Kiss
Puke
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
