i think i have two assholes
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
