It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
