i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
