im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
