Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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