I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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