Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
