I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
