If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's always time for handjobs
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
