I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
