Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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