He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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