Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
