pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
