On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
