we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
