Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
