In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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