I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
