Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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