I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
ttyl tear gas
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
