i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
barbara walters just said penis...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
