Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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