If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
