I didn't shave. On purpose
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
