Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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