This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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