I want to have your abortion
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
