I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
