You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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