I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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