Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
