I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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