Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
