I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
