so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
