Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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