i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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