Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got inside last night via doggy door
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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