We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
