Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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