and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
dude. I can hear the air.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
