naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Actions speak louder than pants.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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