it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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