when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
