Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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