Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Randomize
