grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
