just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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