: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
